As time passes, I recognize how much things have changed and the moments that have significantly changed me. When I lost my son in 2018, I thought I was never going to survive. I still struggle even though I feel him present in my life at all times.

Sometimes I have felt like a complete failure especially as a mother. I remember the times of trying to balance work, home, and educational pursuits. I sometimes did stupid things to try to keep my sons happy like letting them watch horror shows I think they never should have watched. I gave in too easily, and I perhaps spoiled them at times.

Now the house is mostly silent. I work part-time, but I have plenty of hours to accomplish tasks, but I’m tired of taking care of a home, and I’m really tired of cooking meals. Will I regret this time of my life later? Will I ponder how I spent my time? So many things change. Sometimes it feels like it is all bad, especially when watching the news. Fortunately, I can look forward to other events and so I do my best to treasure what I have at this moment.