April 4, 2023, by Barb Edler

My emotions during the last week have been on a roller coaster ride. On Tuesday, March 28 at 8:00 am, I received an email about a mandatory meeting for all staff members and that stated morning classes were cancelled. I immediately reached out to a friend asking him what was going on. He replied that he thought the school was closing. I had absolutely no idea that this was going to occur. I’d been asked to supply a schedule and whether or not I was adopting a textbook. This bolt from the blue was more than a shock. The aftermath has been the most difficult to navigate.

Now, my students look like they’ve just witnessed some horrible carnage. The colleague who works next to my office is deeply grieving. She believes she will never have the opportunity to teach in another college classroom. This is her first year in the classroom, and her thesis advisor wanted her to research rather than take the position at IW. She feels like she doesn’t have the support she needs to another position. She’s originally from Salt Lake City so she has no family or friends nearby to support her.

I spoke with a student who didn’t know what to do. He’s a junior and doesn’t want to go to another school without his friends which might be incredibly difficult to do. All this sadness is impossible to ignore. I’m a Bonafide empath. My heart feels shredded, but I feel such an anger brewing that I’m afraid I’m going to implode.

It’s not just my world that has me spinning because there’s so much more happening that feels completely insane. From Marjorie Taylor Greene’s crazy behavior to the volatile storms and other unsettling antics and comments I’ve read in the news, I keep dreading the next fresh hell.

I have some potential opportunities and experiences this week, but it’s all looming ahead. I’m worried I’ll not leave a good impression or freeze from overwhelming feelings. Wednesday, I have a quasi-interview. On Thursday I will compete at a state-level poetry slam. More importantly, I realize I am not in the same position as my students or colleagues. It still feels so horribly wrong and raw. I feel powerless and completely depressed. I’ll be okay, but last night when I toured my former school, I ran into several former colleagues. It was so good to see them, but when I tried to tell one of them about a memorial brick, I bought in honor of a social studies teacher we were both friends with, I teared up trying to tell him about it.

I am this spring weather, gray and tumultuous. I want to purge so many negative feelings and embrace the wonder of everything open to me. I need to find tranquility like this lovely centerpiece my friend had on her dining room table when I went to visit her yesterday.

One of my favorite short stories is “Friends from Philadelphia” by John Updike. Thelma, a young girl in the story says, “Life is too, too full of disappointments.” I hear these words today like a terrible refrain hoping for the best for my colleagues and friends and this is only a momentary time of pain and disappointment.