This morning the Art of Flash Fiction offered an episodic flash. I need to think of something that shows a series of events that are connected by some word. It isn’t supposed to be character centered. My first draft is focused on one character, so I need to keep working. Sometimes my mind needs more time to think, but I came up with a first draft for now.

Forgotten

No one touches him except for mama, and she never lets him go. I can only see a dark sprout peeking above his blue blanket. He’s too high for me to see.  I asked Papa if he was glued to Mama, but he said, “No.” I don’t believe him.

Yesterday Papa forgot I wasn’t supposed to eat pop tarts for breakfast. I get too high, Mama says. I don’t know what’s wrong with high but Mama doesn’t like it.

I played in the backyard yesterday. I swung so high I thought I’d touch the sky. It was fun to hear Papa laugh.

No one knew what I was thinking, but I got tired of him. It’s about high time someone paid attention to me. Papa’s never around anymore and Mama doesn’t see me.

I didn’t think it would hurt to climb so high and then jump.

Barb Edler Avatar

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6 responses to “First Draft Flash”

  1. Glenda Funk Avatar

    Hi Barb,

    I really like this story. It packs so much drama and isolation into one short narrative. Were you assigned “high” as the word, or did you have options? I do see what you mean about being too character focused.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Barb Edler Avatar

      High was the word I chose to connect. I’m trying to think of a new idea. Maybe something about hair. Showing the change that can take place to show age and medical reasons for the shift.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Glenda Funk Avatar

        Is hair too close to character, I wonder. What about “bed” or some object.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. kimhaynesjohnson Avatar

    Ha! I love that there is a voice of a child here, and that mama says he gets high off Pop Tarts. I can see it – – this child with more ideas than his mouth and body can hold, so he just spills the beans. I also love that you offer a draft of it because this honors the entire writing process of gathering and shaping ideas.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Denise Krebs Avatar

    Barb, wow! I want to keep going and see what the outcome is. But, I also love Kim’s comment that posting your first draft is a great way to shape your story and does honor the writing process. Good luck on getting it just the way you want it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Denise Krebs Avatar

    Barb, I like what Kim said how you honor the writing process by sharing your first draft. Hopefully this does help develop your ideas and give you more thinking time. You’ll get it how you want it. It really takes my breath away to get to that last line, and I want to know what happens after.

    This is my second time trying to comment. It seems they are wanting me to log in to your site; I did, and then it told me it was a duplicate comment. Hope You don’t have two from me.

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